Nothing here is for sale.

Includes awkward silences, context and the occasional sensible objection. Cannot be fine-tuned. Holidays sold separately. This service does not exist.

Test on an inconspicuous toaster first. Avoid direct contact with strategy decks. No aerosol can remove a subscription; this product is entirely fictional.

Excludes the end of work, the end of the world, and events described as unprecedented after occurring for the third time. No actual policy or insurance is offered.

Feed in one all-hands meeting. Enjoy six weeks of compost. Action items may sprout again in spring. Fictional product; the garden deserves better.

Notes of flattery, warm validation and a complete absence of challenge. May attract yes-men. A fictional fragrance for entirely imaginary egos.

Membership requires selecting every square containing a golf buggy. Some squares contain only existential doubt. This fictional club has no members, fees or actual queue.

Includes your childhood and seventeen nearly identical sunsets. Retrieval may involve remembering your password. Fictional storage; no data is collected.

Late checkout available until your next pivot. Breakfast includes a fresh sense of purpose and yesterday's toast. No hotel, reservations or real rooms exist.

Serving suggestion: one bowl, three follow-up prompts. May contain traces of training data. Fictional cereal; not food or nutritional advice.

Basic plan includes one blade. Oxygen is a premium feature. Do not cancel during photosynthesis. Entirely fictional; ordinary outdoor grass remains available.

Scales effortlessly from a typo to a disastrous board presentation. Accountability sold separately. No real intern, employee or service is involved.

Family-owned since the first frozen screen. Call-out fee waived for imaginary customers. No electricians, repairs or real bookings offered.

Emergency human may ask what you actually meant. Tea breaks apply. A fictional rescue service, not an emergency contact.