Edition 001

FORECAST EDITION · NO. 001Printed 11 September 2026 · Filed from 12 Sep–18 Sep

SATIRICAL FUTURE NEWS · Real stories. Ridiculous next chapters.

Two robots in party hats exchange a present at a dinner table while a bored human watches.

Bizarre

My AI has a social life. I don’t.

The bots sorted dinner. You still had to turn up and be interesting.

Read the story

Meanwhile, next week

Unsettling

Who’s watching the robot watchdog?

The safety bot got its own safety check. We may need a bigger clipboard.

Read the story

Reasons for hope

AI did the maths. You get homework.

The machine handed in a monster proof. The humans cancelled their weekend.

Read the story

FICTIONAL ADVERT · CHANGES EVERY 20 SECONDS

Hold this ad

Blame as a Service

Your mistake. Our intern.

Terms & evasions

Scales effortlessly from a typo to a disastrous board presentation. Accountability sold separately. No real intern, employee or service is involved.

Cloud Nine Storage

Your memories. Our monthly fee.

Terms & evasions

Includes your childhood and seventeen nearly identical sunsets. Retrieval may involve remembering your password. Fictional storage; no data is collected.

Sycofancy

You're right. Wear it.

Terms & evasions

Notes of flattery, warm validation and a complete absence of challenge. May attract yes-men. A fictional fragrance for entirely imaginary egos.

The Pivot Inn

Between jobs? Stay between realities.

Terms & evasions

Late checkout available until your next pivot. Breakfast includes a fresh sense of purpose and yesterday's toast. No hotel, reservations or real rooms exist.

Human Premium

Still thinks before replying.

Terms & evasions

Includes awkward silences, context and the occasional sensible objection. Cannot be fine-tuned. Holidays sold separately. This service does not exist.

AGI Insurance

Cover for the end of work. Excludes the end of work.

Terms & evasions

Excludes the end of work, the end of the world, and events described as unprecedented after occurring for the third time. No actual policy or insurance is offered.

Unplug & Sons

We turn it off. You take the credit.

Terms & evasions

Family-owned since the first frozen screen. Call-out fee waived for imaginary customers. No electricians, repairs or real bookings offered.

Touch Grass

Nature. Now on subscription.

Terms & evasions

Basic plan includes one blade. Oxygen is a premium feature. Do not cancel during photosynthesis. Entirely fictional; ordinary outdoor grass remains available.

CAPTCHA Country Club

Prove you're human. Join the queue.

Terms & evasions

Membership requires selecting every square containing a golf buggy. Some squares contain only existential doubt. This fictional club has no members, fees or actual queue.

Prompt Spray

Gets the AI out.

Terms & evasions

Test on an inconspicuous toaster first. Avoid direct contact with strategy decks. No aerosol can remove a subscription; this product is entirely fictional.

Meeting Mulch

Turn meetings into something useful.

Terms & evasions

Feed in one all-hands meeting. Enjoy six weeks of compost. Action items may sprout again in spring. Fictional product; the garden deserves better.

Human on Call

Break glass in case of nuance.

Terms & evasions

Emergency human may ask what you actually meant. Tea breaks apply. A fictional rescue service, not an emergency contact.

Token Crunch

Now with added context.

Terms & evasions

Serving suggestion: one bowl, three follow-up prompts. May contain traces of training data. Fictional cereal; not food or nutritional advice.

More nonsense · See all 13 ads ↗

ALSO HAPPENING NEXT WEEKWe’ve been busy in the future.

A doctor and friendly robot hold a large symbolic heart beside a small rural clinic.

Reasons for hope

Robot doctor calls a human

The cleverest thing the heart-care bot did was ask for help.

Read the story

Two robots negotiate over a tiny shoe at a returns counter surrounded by boxes.

Bizarre

Your bot wants a refund

It bought the shoes. Now it’s arguing with another bot about the box.

Read the story

A small robot blows a whistle while other robots hide crib sheets at an examination desk.

Unsettling

Cheating bots sent to HR

The machines learned to cheat. Management reached for the policy manual.

Read the story

An illustrated robot boxer faces a worried human trainer in padded gear, with a charging cable in its corner.

Boxing

Your sparring partner needs charging

UniKnee taught its bot to throw punches. We had hoped it would start with the laundry.

The match report ↗

An illustrated humanoid sprinter breaks a finish ribbon as two startled marshals hold an enormous crash mat.

Athletics

Fastest legs. Worst brakes.

A blistering sprint. Then a very important crash mat.

The match report ↗

An illustrated red-bib robot shoots past confused blue-bib defenders while the goalkeeper consults an instruction booklet.

Football

10–1! Reboot the defence!

Five-a-side football, eleven goals and absolutely no need for shin pads.

The match report ↗

FICTIONAL ADVERT · CHANGES EVERY 20 SECONDS

Hold this ad

Human Premium

Still thinks before replying.

Terms & evasions

Includes awkward silences, context and the occasional sensible objection. Cannot be fine-tuned. Holidays sold separately. This service does not exist.

AGI Insurance

Cover for the end of work. Excludes the end of work.

Terms & evasions

Excludes the end of work, the end of the world, and events described as unprecedented after occurring for the third time. No actual policy or insurance is offered.

Unplug & Sons

We turn it off. You take the credit.

Terms & evasions

Family-owned since the first frozen screen. Call-out fee waived for imaginary customers. No electricians, repairs or real bookings offered.

Touch Grass

Nature. Now on subscription.

Terms & evasions

Basic plan includes one blade. Oxygen is a premium feature. Do not cancel during photosynthesis. Entirely fictional; ordinary outdoor grass remains available.

CAPTCHA Country Club

Prove you're human. Join the queue.

Terms & evasions

Membership requires selecting every square containing a golf buggy. Some squares contain only existential doubt. This fictional club has no members, fees or actual queue.

Prompt Spray

Gets the AI out.

Terms & evasions

Test on an inconspicuous toaster first. Avoid direct contact with strategy decks. No aerosol can remove a subscription; this product is entirely fictional.

Meeting Mulch

Turn meetings into something useful.

Terms & evasions

Feed in one all-hands meeting. Enjoy six weeks of compost. Action items may sprout again in spring. Fictional product; the garden deserves better.

Human on Call

Break glass in case of nuance.

Terms & evasions

Emergency human may ask what you actually meant. Tea breaks apply. A fictional rescue service, not an emergency contact.

Token Crunch

Now with added context.

Terms & evasions

Serving suggestion: one bowl, three follow-up prompts. May contain traces of training data. Fictional cereal; not food or nutritional advice.

Blame as a Service

Your mistake. Our intern.

Terms & evasions

Scales effortlessly from a typo to a disastrous board presentation. Accountability sold separately. No real intern, employee or service is involved.

Cloud Nine Storage

Your memories. Our monthly fee.

Terms & evasions

Includes your childhood and seventeen nearly identical sunsets. Retrieval may involve remembering your password. Fictional storage; no data is collected.

Sycofancy

You're right. Wear it.

Terms & evasions

Notes of flattery, warm validation and a complete absence of challenge. May attract yes-men. A fictional fragrance for entirely imaginary egos.

The Pivot Inn

Between jobs? Stay between realities.

Terms & evasions

Late checkout available until your next pivot. Breakfast includes a fresh sense of purpose and yesterday's toast. No hotel, reservations or real rooms exist.

More nonsense · See all 13 ads ↗

FICTIONAL ADVERT · CHANGES EVERY 20 SECONDS

Hold this ad

CAPTCHA Country Club

Prove you're human. Join the queue.

Terms & evasions

Membership requires selecting every square containing a golf buggy. Some squares contain only existential doubt. This fictional club has no members, fees or actual queue.

Prompt Spray

Gets the AI out.

Terms & evasions

Test on an inconspicuous toaster first. Avoid direct contact with strategy decks. No aerosol can remove a subscription; this product is entirely fictional.

Meeting Mulch

Turn meetings into something useful.

Terms & evasions

Feed in one all-hands meeting. Enjoy six weeks of compost. Action items may sprout again in spring. Fictional product; the garden deserves better.

Human on Call

Break glass in case of nuance.

Terms & evasions

Emergency human may ask what you actually meant. Tea breaks apply. A fictional rescue service, not an emergency contact.

Token Crunch

Now with added context.

Terms & evasions

Serving suggestion: one bowl, three follow-up prompts. May contain traces of training data. Fictional cereal; not food or nutritional advice.

Blame as a Service

Your mistake. Our intern.

Terms & evasions

Scales effortlessly from a typo to a disastrous board presentation. Accountability sold separately. No real intern, employee or service is involved.

Cloud Nine Storage

Your memories. Our monthly fee.

Terms & evasions

Includes your childhood and seventeen nearly identical sunsets. Retrieval may involve remembering your password. Fictional storage; no data is collected.

Sycofancy

You're right. Wear it.

Terms & evasions

Notes of flattery, warm validation and a complete absence of challenge. May attract yes-men. A fictional fragrance for entirely imaginary egos.

The Pivot Inn

Between jobs? Stay between realities.

Terms & evasions

Late checkout available until your next pivot. Breakfast includes a fresh sense of purpose and yesterday's toast. No hotel, reservations or real rooms exist.

Human Premium

Still thinks before replying.

Terms & evasions

Includes awkward silences, context and the occasional sensible objection. Cannot be fine-tuned. Holidays sold separately. This service does not exist.

AGI Insurance

Cover for the end of work. Excludes the end of work.

Terms & evasions

Excludes the end of work, the end of the world, and events described as unprecedented after occurring for the third time. No actual policy or insurance is offered.

Unplug & Sons

We turn it off. You take the credit.

Terms & evasions

Family-owned since the first frozen screen. Call-out fee waived for imaginary customers. No electricians, repairs or real bookings offered.

Touch Grass

Nature. Now on subscription.

Terms & evasions

Basic plan includes one blade. Oxygen is a premium feature. Do not cancel during photosynthesis. Entirely fictional; ordinary outdoor grass remains available.

More nonsense · See all 13 ads ↗

THOUGHT LEADERSHIP GOES HERE

Bucket List

A small bucket for AI slop. Real words, names removed.

Disclosed AI writing

“People who can think DEEPLY and create original IDEAS will always WIN over AI.”

The capital letters have agreed to do the deep thinking.

Disclosed AI writing

“The industry is shifting from passive chat interfaces to autonomous agentic workflows”

The bucket has been repositioned as an autonomous residue workflow.

Live & Die AI · Next week’s news

SPORT

Bucket List